Exciting news! We have some innovative, groundbreaking, and exciting new features to announce that will be coming to The Universim in the near future. We have decided to follow in the footsteps of industry leaders, the so-called great white sharks of the gaming world, by introducing the most demanded and widely-praised features found in some of your favorite games. We know you want these for a very long time, and now we are finally able to deliver.
GOD POWER BOOSTERS
As we have mentioned in a previous update, each God Action will require God Power Points that can be earned in-game over time. However, we have come up with a way in which to circumvent all of the hard work with an entirely new feature that can only be described as a stroke of genius. Coming in our next patch, you’ll be able to Speed Up God Power Accumulation by spending real world money!
This offers you the incredible opportunity to make your gaming experience as effortless as possible. You don’t pay to play, you pay to win; and winning is fun! When we designed God Powers, we always kept players in mind who love to pay a little something extra for in-game rewards. We just want to keep everyone happy! Here’s the first wave of booster packs coming in the next patch:
God Currency is something that you can earn in-game by taking your Nuggets off of other important tasks and assigning them to Crystal mines. Crystal mines have a chance to drop Crystals, which you will need to tap on to collect. We can confirm that your chances of receiving a Crystal drop are at least higher than that of winning the lottery. Of course, you can also purchase them with real cash. What can you do with Crystals? Everything! We’re explicitly rebalancing the game to take exorbitant amounts of time to accomplish anything. Buildings will take anything from a few hours to a couple years to complete, reproduction actually takes nine months, and Nuggets will rest for at least 8 hours a day. However, with Crystals, you can reduce all of these wait times to a mere 30 seconds
Alongside this new addition, we are proud to introduce Tap Tap Tap™ mechanics. Now everything is clickable in The Universim. Want to mine Stone? Tap it 20 times and whoala! Need some more wood? Tap a tree 35 times and whoala, you’ve got 5 points of wood. Why are we adding tap mechanics? For the upcoming mobile version of the game, of course. Resource bundles are also available for purchase through the in-game store.
THE UNIVERSIM STORE
The Universim’s incredible in-game store, called the UniStore, now has multiple perks and bundles that will make your experience better. And significantly easier. This is the best way to optimize your playing time. Below is the current list of items you can buy alongside the bundles:
Get yourself the best planet in the game! The Golden Planet comes withdiamond trees, platinum mountains, and oceans consisting entirely of oil. The best thing is, it’s only $9.99.
Immerse yourself in the world of leaves. BE the tree. FEEL the Photosynthesis! These PC Master Race edition8K tree leaf textures will blow your mind. You can zoom right in to view, a level of detail never before seen in a game. You can see individual imperfections on every leaf, and juice running through the veins. Our artists actually had to travel to countries such as Zimbabwe to take scans of exotic leaves and port them to the game. You don’t get any better than that.
FOR ONLY $19.99GOD'S COCKPIT DASHBOARD
Pimp your god’s ride! We’re partnering with renowned car manufacturers such as Bengal and Pixie-bob to bring you a fantastic new way to carry out your godly duties. By purchasing the God’s Cockpit Pack, you can set the speed of the camera with cruise control and enjoy an incredibly realistic automotive experience. Dashboards are made out of luxury materials, which you don’t even have to mine in-game. While you can’t see the seats, we can assure you that they’re made from only the richest Corinthian leather. It upped the price slightly, but it’s totally worth it.*
*This is subscription-based product and is valid for 30 days. Important: your card will be charged automatically after the 30-day period if your subscription is not cancelled by sending a written request via USPS Priority Mail. Mail coming from outside of the US will be deported by Donald Trump. It’s not our fault.
FOR JUST $29.99
VIRTUIX OMNI VR MOTION GAMEPAD SUPPORT
Prepare for the Ultimate in VR God Simulation. Not only will you be immersed in the stunning world of The Universim, you can finally get your body involved, too! You can now move the camera around the planet by using the motion gamepad. This is how the gods have been getting around for years, and now you can experience The Universim as it’s meant to be played.
With the Season Pass, you can unlock access to the Exclusive Space Era Colonization Expansion. Want to reach new planets and colonize them? With the Season Pass, you’ll be able to do that and more! Unlock and customize different rockets with cosmetic items that are available for purchase separately, choose your desired planet, and blast off into the unknown.
We know what you’re thinking. Wasn’t this in the base game? Actually, no, the one in the base game is different and way less cool. This is better. Way better.
We have seen Season Passes successfully generating copious amounts of extra revenue for fellow gaming companies these last few years. Count us in! Enjoy the full experience only with the Season Pass. The best thing is, even if you decide to purchase the Season Pass at a later date, the entire expansion will already be downloaded and available on your hard drive. Simply purchase the key and start playing! However, we will only be releasing new planets and features available in the Season Pass every few months to keep things fresh. We want you to be able to get the most out of our in-game purchases first.
LAUGHABLY LOW $39.99
*Episodes: 2,3,4,5,6,7, and 9 are not included in the price
We are also switching over to an always online model to ensure your game state and account are always synced and available. The always online features also give you access to Leaderboards and Facebook at any time.*
* If you have an unstable internet connection or low bandwidth, your save games will likely be lost forever.
Thank you for making all of this possible! Our team is always working hard to introduce fantastic new features in a timely manner. You can count on us to bring you new expansions on a regular basis.
Happy April Fools’ Day! In case you didn’t catch on, none of the above is true. We were just poking some fun at a few pretty sleazy modern practices, where everything is built around profit. We’re lucky to be independent and able to build our game around fun and create challenging and engaging experiences for you. We will continue to operate as always, and your opinions and desires always come first in our books. Enjoy the rest of your day!
Leave us your comments here.
Happy April Fools,
Lol, I was like WTF???
HAHAH this is awesome!