BipolarGames

This is my first blog post for the game and I thought this would be a great start since I had to cut the stream early today. I think it is a good idea for me to let everyone know what happens in my head during these episodes.

During the live stream this morning my mind took a turn for the worse. While trying to not only entertain everyone but also trying to develop at the same time my mind was overcome with thousands of thoughts. There were a couple of times where I lost a few seconds of memory and couldn’t remember what I did or what I was doing. Needless to say though I had to cut the stream early to regain my thoughts and straighten things out up stairs.

What are these thoughts that I am talking about? They can really range from anything to everything all at once. I have been in a manic state for the past week ever since the Kickstarter of the game has launched. For this instance it was everything all at once. It started off with the game in general, what people thought of the game, how am I doing on stream, what should be the next thing I work on, what am I working on after stream, what am I working on for the stream tomorrow, will I be able to get some sleep tonight, I wonder how my partner is doing with the spider dungeon, so on and so forth. thousands of these thoughts and not in sequential order either. Its like a giant boulder that falls out of the sky onto your head. I became overwhelmed and was not able to work anymore.

This is a common occurrence for me on a daily basis. Not only during my mania but also during the depression as well. Though during the depression it is not as severe. I am able to control these to a certain extent and they are manageable when it is not everything dropped on me at once. I usually run between 20 - 50 things consistently through the day.

So how do I stop this or even prevent it from occurring? In order for me to stop it while it is in progress I must just focus on one thing and one thing alone, if that doesn’t work then I will wait until the episode has taken its course or has settled down. In order to prevent this from happening is to remove the triggers from my life which in my case is “STRESS”. The more stress that is on me the worse my condition becomes.

Now is this the only thing that is happening during these episodes? No it is not this is just the beginning of it. After the initial barrage of thoughts I start to become even more stressed. This leads to me second doubting myself not only programming but in every aspect of my life. This leads me down the roller coaster into depression. When here at this time I think about what people are thinking about me, how can they be so judgmental of me and my “THOUGHTS” yes my thoughts. I actually go through this. I get so paranoid that I actually think people can read my thoughts. This is when it becomes the worse, well actually the worse is when I start seeing things but I digress there.

So After I go through all this I try to protect myself by taking care of my dog. For instance after all this occurred I jumped off stream and went outside with my dog and played fetch, we cuddled and I loved on here. After this playtime my roller coaster ride took me back up to normal to manic once more.

So here we are currently riding the manic train through normal town until it stops. I hope this puts into perspective what happens in my head on a daily basis and what stresses in my life mean for me! I will conclude with this, please don’t judge those with mental disorders, they are as smart as you or perhaps even smarter, they just have a harder time getting their thoughts together.

Thank you for reading and if you don’t know I am LordSmooches, I have been working on a video game called Final Prophet, it was just released on Kickstarter a few days ago. Please check it out and help support the game if you can. If you cant and like the looks or concept of the game let people of the world know of the game you just found. Thank you everyone!