Memorandum: Bureau of Shipping Quarterly Earnings Call
To: Shareholders
SHAREHOLDERRRRRRRS!
It's been a bang-up quarter for us at the Bureau of Shipping. We fully unveiled our innovative Levelhead division, and our new army of semi-intelligent GR-18s have been faithfully delivering packages across the galaxy for months now. But we know that as a Shareholder of the Bureau of Shipping's stocks, you don't care about all that. You care about just one thing - how we at the Bureau are going to make you even more money.
We hear you loud and clear - the Bureau of Shipping will be bringing home the space-bacon this next quarter by finding a new void in the market. Over the last quarter we've had teams of expert unpaid interns working 'round the clock to find and exploit those voids, and today I'm happy to announce that our efforts have finally paid off.
In fact, not only did we find a void, we found The Void! Hats off to Wilbur Galgodop, the unpaid Intern who inadvertently opened this Void while misfiring a DIRP into the heart of a dying sun, thus creating a rift in space-time that apparently connects our dimension to some sort of shadow realm, full of enraged phantom ghost demons. Rest in peace, Wilbur.
Now, this is a big break for us here at the Bureau. Harnessing the power of a shadow realm full of phantom ghost demons is exactly the kind of ingenuity our morally-flexible shareholders expect of us. Let's take a look at some of the new Void-Enabled technologies we have coming down the pipe.
New Powerup: Shade
Exposing GR-18's to Void Energy has proven most profitable - GR-18 can now create a Rune of Teleportation, which it can use to reappear at any location within throwing distance.
Harnessing Void Energy did have the unfortunate side effect of causing GR-18 to go blind and grow some horns, but the little robo seems to be getting by without too much trouble. Just look at him go but don't you dare look under that mask.
New Enemies!
It's a good thing GR-18 can teleport now, too, because that's going to come in handy when dealing with all of these new Void Demons that have popped up all over the Levelhead division!
The Peanut
Sometimes the Void condenses into a sentient cloud that adheres to surfaces and marches around, trying to bring slow, sticky death to us all.
We found that if you take that cloud and drop it into a Package, it serves as a cheap alternative to traditional packing peanuts! The only problem is that our customers weren't able to tell what direction the Peanut was going to travel once it escaped into their homes, making it difficult to avoid. So we slapped a mask on what is probably its "front". Good luck, customers!
Oh, and Peanuts also come in a variety of flavors, such as Blueberry, Thornberry, and Dynamite!
Jibberjabbers
Since opening the Void Rift, we've spent a lot of time dodging Void Demons that absolutely will not stop talking about their esoteric hobbies and interests. And since The Void has very different concepts of space-time, these Jibberjabbers have big issues with personal space -- they're real close-talkers. This becomes especially problematic since their mouths are full of razor-sharp teeth.
Once a Jibberjabber begins trying to engage you in conversation, there are very few ways to escape, other than to continuously dodge it, or to boop it on the head to send it back to the Void.
Canoodles
To protect our assets from the constant onslaught of Jibberjabbers, our Roboneers have had to develop and deploy new artillery Robos called Canoodles all over our warehouses. We've lent these to the Levelhead division for use in levels, too.
These Canoodles will lob projectiles indiscriminantly and constantly, so GR-18 will have to be on high alert whenever they're around!
The Input Switch
The Void can also tap into channels of energy that were previously untappable, and redirect those energies in new and interesting ways. We were able to use this property of The Void to create a new item called the Input Switch, which will intercept Inputs and redirect them to other items in Levels. What does this mean?
It means our Levelheads can now make Levels that directly respond to button presses! Want a bunch of Jems that only appear when you press "right"? How about platforms that can be toggled on and off by using GR-18's powers? All of these things -- and more -- are now possible with the Input Switch!
The Recycler
One of our favorite Void effects is that normal time doesn't apply to Void Energy. In fact, the horrifying voices that won't stop speaking in our minds claim that time is shaped like a Klein Bottle. We don't know what that means, but what we do know is that we've been able to use Void Energy to create a fancy new Recycler, which resets the cooldowns on GR-18's powerups and abilities!
The T-Bot
Speaking of time, it turns out when you mix Void Energy with Slurb Juice, you get a pretty weird time dilation effect! We're not sure how this helps, but we did it anyway, and packed it into a friendly little Robot that GR-18 can carry around in levels!
While carrying the T-Bot, GR-18 will experience time at half-speed, while moving full-speed itself. GR-18 may also experience vivid hallucinations, witness the future, or see the eye of a celestial deity known as K'zala'bon, but you don't need to worry yourself about that.
Item Beamers
Before we mastered the power of The Void, our Beamers were pretty limited. They were only able to beam certain items into existence, like Bombs or Robos. But because of the energy dense nature of the Void, we've managed to dramatically increase the power of our Beamers, allowing them to beam...well... just about anything!
Now our Levelheads can continuously deploy powerups, keys, batteries, and a ton of other stuff, too, all from beamers!
Stackable Armor
When you infuse an armor plate with Void Energy, not only does it turn a super-cool blue color, but it also starts to violate the laws of physics, like "Two objects can't occupy the same space at the same time"! With these new Stackable Armor Plates, your GR-18 can wear three armor plates simultaneously on top of each other, so that whenever GR-18 takes damage, it can have backup plates!
Punchers
Turns out one of the best ways to keep demons out of the company fridge is to punch them in the face, so we've modified our Bumper technology to create Punchers, which can send things flying away! They're a little inaccurate because, as it turns out, punching something isn't the most precise way to get it from point A to B. But they still get the job done!
Marketing Updates!
Here at the Bureau, we know the importance of marketing. That's why we have a whole Marketing Department, after all! And one of the biggest parts of marketing is polish. If you want people to play and enjoy your levels, you have to make them look and sound great!
That's why we've added more than 40 new Icons for your levels...
Ten new path visuals, including rope, lights, electrical outlets, and more!
Customizable visuals for a bunch of items, like Spiketrons and Spike Chainers...
And a bunch of new songs, plus the ability to use just about any song from the game in your levels. We want you to be able to make the level of your dreams, and now you can!
But wait! There's More!
This Mega Update isn't just about new features; it's also jampacked with tweaks, improvements, fixes, and optimizations. We're always working to get those extra little boosts to the Levelhead experience, and this update is no exception! If you want to see everything that's coming in Update 1.18, check out the patch notes below!
And, as always, to get more involved in the Levelhead community, pop into the Discord. We'll see you there!
See the full patchnotes.
