Tried to go straight.. and did. Then I got me more trouble.
I finally left my awful first job behind, yesterday of posting this. Admittedly, it was rather bittersweet, in that it was easily the smoothest two weeks I had ever worked in the past four months of this egregiously mishandled pandemic, as if this country needed more of an excuse to be outraged and volatile against the current ruling class.
Drawing again feels nice, though I'm due quite a few favors for finishing up some maps, as unmistakably burnt out I am in level designing. I feel like I'm very slowly getting closer to the style I've been craving to achieve, though my heavy reliance on references feels almost hampering to me for what I'm able to do. It can take a decade for most artists to ground their true style, so I don't know how far I've really come with only twenty or so whole published pieces.
Rekindling some old, beaten flames. And hopefully for the last time, I'm tired of making these same mistakes over and over. I don't think I'll reach back out to everybody that was fun to hang out with, but I'm okay with that.
I've fucked up quite a bit and now I'm here. Most of my friends have cut me off, and the few that actually still talk to me, I feel like a needy mom any given moment I feel the urge to talk to somebody. I'm better now though, sort of. Just whittling away at ideas noone gives a shit about until I actually get off my keister and make something out of them. To anyone I've hurt, you have my condolences. I'm a terrible joke of a personality at my best and an ill-tempered, self loathing monster at my worst. All I've got left to do now is mostly drift around.
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